It's a Team Effort
Hello again, friends! Thank you for checking back in with us here at Parenting on Pennies. Today's topic is one that I get questioned about a lot. How do I get my spouse on board?
Oh me, I've been there before. I starting listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast in April of 2013. I was fired up and excited to get out of debt. At the time, we had student loans and one credit card. This was our debt. I was so excited at discovering the podcast that I insisted my husband listen to the podcast with me. I waited for his response to the podcast and he said, "I don't like this." WHAT?! What do you mean you don't like this? How could you not like this? I became indignant and more persistent. I was right. He was clearly wrong. How can you not be on board with this?
For my husband, that answer is a simple one! He doesn't like podcasts or listening to stories in an audio format. That's not how he processes information.
My husband did agree that we needed to get out of debt, but he just isn't into all the planning and numbers. He didn't love that part of our journey. And to be fair, he didn't fight me on the plan. He just didn't want to be on board with having to listen to Dave.
So here's what I did:
1. Check in with your spouse
Every so often, I would check in with him to see if he wanted to attend Financial Peace University (FPU) with me. I wasn't entirely convinced that we needed it since I had a rough idea of what I was going to do to get us out of debt. I wouldn't check in weekly or even monthly. I would just ask every few months if he wanted us to go and eventually he agreed to go. I was stunned. I signed us up and off we went. It was easily the best $100 we ever spent.
So you may not desire to attend FPU. I get that. If I had a spouse totally against debt freedom, I think I would take the approach of asking questions. "How do you feel about where we stand financially?" "Do we know where we stand financially?" "What do we want for our future together as a couple?" This last question brings me to my next step.
2. Dream together.
One of the other main reasons I didn't get very far with our "radical lifestyle change" is I didn't bring it to my husband's attention in a positive way. Instead it went something like this, "We are in debt up to our necks! This is ridiculous and it is going to stop!" Yeah...that's not such a great approach.
Here's what I should have said:
"We have a lot of student loans and some credit card debt. Can you imagine what we could do each month if we didn't have any payments other than our rent and utilities? We could save for our future!"
Then, we could have sat down and determined what we want that future to look like. What do you see when you look at your future? Do you plan to retire? Can you do that and still maintain payments to credit cards, a mortgage, and other loans? What do you want to do when you retire? Personally, we live a pretty quiet life. God willing, I would say that we will travel some but mostly devote our time to helping our community, our grown up JuJuBe and any other family in the picture. Do you picture yourself traveling when you retire? Where would you love to go? Can you afford a big trip while still owing a major portion of your monthly income to other people?
3. Crunch the numbers
My husband is not the nerd in our relationship. That's 100% me. I like the numbers - even when they're ugly. They let you know just where you stand. They also tell you where you can cut spending and increase savings. For the nerds out there, you are responsible to present at least the initial numbers in your budget. Yes, the dreaded b word has popped up again. You do need a budget. It's true. You still need input from your spouse. A second set of eyes will help you review the final numbers and will help you catch anything you may have missed. Plus, they are a part of your household. They get an equal vote in your budget. Their vote isn't more or less important than yours and the same goes for you. Regardless of who brings in money, you both get an equal vote. Here, you may have to negotiate and compromise in some categories, but after two or three months' practice, you should have it down to a science.
4. Don't give up.
You do all the things above. Your spouse is against you. Not only that, they are dead set against getting out of debt. Don't give up hope. Go get some insight. Talk to someone you trust. Don't give up. You are a team. You both have to remember that.
I probably don't fully appreciate just how much my husband and I view ourselves as a team. We our one unit. One family. We are not perfect. Our marriage is not perfect by a long shot. I pray that we always strive to view ourselves as one team and not as two separate people having to make something work. I also pray that you, whoever is reading this, can utilize this blog in some capacity to make your life brighter. Thank you for stopping by!
Oh me, I've been there before. I starting listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast in April of 2013. I was fired up and excited to get out of debt. At the time, we had student loans and one credit card. This was our debt. I was so excited at discovering the podcast that I insisted my husband listen to the podcast with me. I waited for his response to the podcast and he said, "I don't like this." WHAT?! What do you mean you don't like this? How could you not like this? I became indignant and more persistent. I was right. He was clearly wrong. How can you not be on board with this?
For my husband, that answer is a simple one! He doesn't like podcasts or listening to stories in an audio format. That's not how he processes information.
So here's what I did:
1. Check in with your spouse
Every so often, I would check in with him to see if he wanted to attend Financial Peace University (FPU) with me. I wasn't entirely convinced that we needed it since I had a rough idea of what I was going to do to get us out of debt. I wouldn't check in weekly or even monthly. I would just ask every few months if he wanted us to go and eventually he agreed to go. I was stunned. I signed us up and off we went. It was easily the best $100 we ever spent.
So you may not desire to attend FPU. I get that. If I had a spouse totally against debt freedom, I think I would take the approach of asking questions. "How do you feel about where we stand financially?" "Do we know where we stand financially?" "What do we want for our future together as a couple?" This last question brings me to my next step.
2. Dream together.
One of the other main reasons I didn't get very far with our "radical lifestyle change" is I didn't bring it to my husband's attention in a positive way. Instead it went something like this, "We are in debt up to our necks! This is ridiculous and it is going to stop!" Yeah...that's not such a great approach.
Here's what I should have said:
"We have a lot of student loans and some credit card debt. Can you imagine what we could do each month if we didn't have any payments other than our rent and utilities? We could save for our future!"
Then, we could have sat down and determined what we want that future to look like. What do you see when you look at your future? Do you plan to retire? Can you do that and still maintain payments to credit cards, a mortgage, and other loans? What do you want to do when you retire? Personally, we live a pretty quiet life. God willing, I would say that we will travel some but mostly devote our time to helping our community, our grown up JuJuBe and any other family in the picture. Do you picture yourself traveling when you retire? Where would you love to go? Can you afford a big trip while still owing a major portion of your monthly income to other people?
3. Crunch the numbers
My husband is not the nerd in our relationship. That's 100% me. I like the numbers - even when they're ugly. They let you know just where you stand. They also tell you where you can cut spending and increase savings. For the nerds out there, you are responsible to present at least the initial numbers in your budget. Yes, the dreaded b word has popped up again. You do need a budget. It's true. You still need input from your spouse. A second set of eyes will help you review the final numbers and will help you catch anything you may have missed. Plus, they are a part of your household. They get an equal vote in your budget. Their vote isn't more or less important than yours and the same goes for you. Regardless of who brings in money, you both get an equal vote. Here, you may have to negotiate and compromise in some categories, but after two or three months' practice, you should have it down to a science.
4. Don't give up.
You do all the things above. Your spouse is against you. Not only that, they are dead set against getting out of debt. Don't give up hope. Go get some insight. Talk to someone you trust. Don't give up. You are a team. You both have to remember that.
I probably don't fully appreciate just how much my husband and I view ourselves as a team. We our one unit. One family. We are not perfect. Our marriage is not perfect by a long shot. I pray that we always strive to view ourselves as one team and not as two separate people having to make something work. I also pray that you, whoever is reading this, can utilize this blog in some capacity to make your life brighter. Thank you for stopping by!
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